Thursday, September 24, 2009

Numero 12!

#12) DON'T BE A SLUT! We have already discussed whoring out your children for facetime opportunities, now lets talk about whoring out YOU. In all honesty, it's not a good look. What do you get out of it? Yeah, you may get facetime. But most likely you will get scouted out by Earl and be given after show passes. But what does that mean? It basically means that you were seen as eye candy and possibly a hook up....that's it. Do you really want to degrade yourself that badly? In the words of @BrownieFierce "Don't wear the whore uniform! If thou looketh and/or act like a whore, thou is a whore". [Tip credit goes to @BrownieFierce]

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Tip #11

I see that more and more of you are reading these tips, so hopefully next tour won't be a clusterfuck of people doing all the wrong things!

By the way, if you have any suggestions let me know via twitter (@M_Vizzle) I'm running out of ideas!

If you are intentionally looking for facetime, perhaps wandering around the casino or
local shopping mall hoping for a sighting, DO NOT go as a group! We all go to these NK
concerts and events with a group of our girlfriends, aka our entourage, it's totally normal. But the bigger your group, the less chance a NK will stop and chat with you! I would say the ideal number is 2, but occassionally 3 will be alright. Any bigger than that and it looks like you are a hunting party and helpless NKs are your prey! [Another big thanks to @M_Kellogg for bringing us tip #11!]

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tip #10 Yo

Quick update before I'm outta here. Got a busy day!

Ok, so maybe you had front row for a concert. Donnie looked at you, winked,
smiled, waved, maybe you were lucky enough to get a kiss! If you happen to run into him (or any other NK) any time after that concert, do not ask him if he remembers you. What is the point? Yes, he saw you, but he also saw 8,000 OTHER women that night too! Do you really want to waste 2 minutes of your hard-to-come-by facetime by describing what you were wearing to spark his memory? No! chances are he won't remember you ANYWAY. Quit living in the past and start making new, more memorable memories with him NOW. Maybe if you come up with something unique he will actually remember you THIS time. [Props to @M_Kellogg for this one!]

Monday, September 21, 2009

Tips #8-9!

You guys are getting a ton of tips today! Don't take them lightly...or maybe you should just so you can laugh a little. ;o)

#8) LEAVE THE PRESENTS AT HOME! Wanna impress the guys? You'll have to figure that out on your own, but I can tell you what NOT to do. DO NOT bring presents for the guys' wives and girlfriends. It's creepy. Besides, I really don't think Barrett plans on using the bar soap you bought her from Walmart. If you happen to see her, tell her you appreciate that she supports her hubby. DON'T give her gifts she does not want or need. ESPECIALLY do not gift her if she is walking around with GRIFFIN. She's a small gal, do you really think it's comfortable for her to hold Grif in one arm, walk Duncan, AND carry around your gift bag to her full of home knitted scarves? No. No, no, no, no, NO. You might say "it's the thought that counts", but really, she'll probably just think you're crazy. In reality, you don't know her at all, and you shouldn't be gifting her with nonsense items. [This tip was provided by @nrselizzie and it's a damn good one!]

#9) DON'T USE YOUR KIDS! I understand that you are desperate for a NK to notice you, to hug you, to hold your hand. And there is NOTHING wrong with that. But seriously people, QUIT using your kids to get the guys' attention! It really only makes you appear trashy when the guys' see your 10 year old daughter holding a sign that says "Donnie, watch me Dirty Dance!". Um...she's 10. Clearly not dating material for Edub.The guys are WELL AWARE of the fact that women have been using their children to get facetime, and they really aren't impressed. Bottom line, it probably won't get you that picture you've been craving since you were 9. So save your kid some stress, let them be a kid and not an attention striving whore! [Tip provided by @kyjoho HOLLA!]
I realize that you probably are thinking "How the hell do you know all this shit?". In all honesty, I have common sense. That's all it really takes to meet a New Kid. That and a little bit of luck.

The New K
ids aren't the first band I've met outside of concert venues either. Remember O-Town? They sang that super cheesy "Liquid Dreams" song. I learned all my techniques from being able to find them 8 years ago. Of course, they weren't as huge as New Kids, but you gotta start somewhere, right? Here are some classics of my O-Town adventures:


Go ahead, laugh all you want at my patriotic Superman t-shirt.

So there you have it, just a little bit of proof that I at least *kind of* know what I'm talking about when it comes to getting facetime.

But you say "That's O-Town, they were nothing compared to NKOTB". Well, I have proof in that department as well. However, posting all my pictures would likely be considered "bragging", so I'll only post TWO right now.

As you can see, I have broken FACETIME rule #4 with that second picture. Believe me, it will never happen again because my friends and I ALMOST got shot down. Rejection from a Knight brother? Not a fun feeling. This is part of the reason why I created Tip #4, that and a strange Jonathan encounter I had which we will not discuss now... you can see I'm not lying when I say if you FOLLOW THESE TIPS you will have much better luck at getting that facetime every fan deserves. I've been to 12 NK concerts in the past year and countless other events (including Mall of America, afterparties, etc.). By following these simple guidelines I've had tons of pictures and millions of memories. Don't be a NUTTER and you'll most likely succeed.

Tip #7

#7) DON'T BRING SIGNS! If you are going to do the whole "airport" thing, please remember to act like a NORMAL human being. If you don't know what that is, please at least pretend to act like you are at the airport to fly somewhere, not to stalk a NK. DO NOT, at any time, bring your concert signs to the airport. Do you really think Joe, his wife and child want to see "Joe, I want your BIG MAC" when they get off their plane? Probably not. If the guys see a mob of women waiting at the arrival gate with neon signs and permed hair, they will probably find another way out of the airport. If you don't want to ruin it for you or your friends, leave the signs in the car! This is an airport NOT a concert venue.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Tip #6

Already thought of another one only a few minutes after I posted the first 5.

If you happen to find out that Danny is at the Smoothie King down the street, don't leave the house wearing your Full Serivce concert t-shirt! This gives you away, basically screams "I'M A FAN!". Of course you want them to know you support their music, but you don't want them to run the other way before you have a chance to tell them that. If a NK sees that someone wearing a NK t-shirt they can only assume that more will be arriving shortly, and they make their visit quick! Want more time? Leave the NKOTB earrings at home.