Thursday, September 24, 2009

Numero 12!

#12) DON'T BE A SLUT! We have already discussed whoring out your children for facetime opportunities, now lets talk about whoring out YOU. In all honesty, it's not a good look. What do you get out of it? Yeah, you may get facetime. But most likely you will get scouted out by Earl and be given after show passes. But what does that mean? It basically means that you were seen as eye candy and possibly a hook up....that's it. Do you really want to degrade yourself that badly? In the words of @BrownieFierce "Don't wear the whore uniform! If thou looketh and/or act like a whore, thou is a whore". [Tip credit goes to @BrownieFierce]

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Tip #11

I see that more and more of you are reading these tips, so hopefully next tour won't be a clusterfuck of people doing all the wrong things!

By the way, if you have any suggestions let me know via twitter (@M_Vizzle) I'm running out of ideas!

If you are intentionally looking for facetime, perhaps wandering around the casino or
local shopping mall hoping for a sighting, DO NOT go as a group! We all go to these NK
concerts and events with a group of our girlfriends, aka our entourage, it's totally normal. But the bigger your group, the less chance a NK will stop and chat with you! I would say the ideal number is 2, but occassionally 3 will be alright. Any bigger than that and it looks like you are a hunting party and helpless NKs are your prey! [Another big thanks to @M_Kellogg for bringing us tip #11!]

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tip #10 Yo

Quick update before I'm outta here. Got a busy day!

Ok, so maybe you had front row for a concert. Donnie looked at you, winked,
smiled, waved, maybe you were lucky enough to get a kiss! If you happen to run into him (or any other NK) any time after that concert, do not ask him if he remembers you. What is the point? Yes, he saw you, but he also saw 8,000 OTHER women that night too! Do you really want to waste 2 minutes of your hard-to-come-by facetime by describing what you were wearing to spark his memory? No! chances are he won't remember you ANYWAY. Quit living in the past and start making new, more memorable memories with him NOW. Maybe if you come up with something unique he will actually remember you THIS time. [Props to @M_Kellogg for this one!]

Monday, September 21, 2009

Tips #8-9!

You guys are getting a ton of tips today! Don't take them lightly...or maybe you should just so you can laugh a little. ;o)

#8) LEAVE THE PRESENTS AT HOME! Wanna impress the guys? You'll have to figure that out on your own, but I can tell you what NOT to do. DO NOT bring presents for the guys' wives and girlfriends. It's creepy. Besides, I really don't think Barrett plans on using the bar soap you bought her from Walmart. If you happen to see her, tell her you appreciate that she supports her hubby. DON'T give her gifts she does not want or need. ESPECIALLY do not gift her if she is walking around with GRIFFIN. She's a small gal, do you really think it's comfortable for her to hold Grif in one arm, walk Duncan, AND carry around your gift bag to her full of home knitted scarves? No. No, no, no, no, NO. You might say "it's the thought that counts", but really, she'll probably just think you're crazy. In reality, you don't know her at all, and you shouldn't be gifting her with nonsense items. [This tip was provided by @nrselizzie and it's a damn good one!]

#9) DON'T USE YOUR KIDS! I understand that you are desperate for a NK to notice you, to hug you, to hold your hand. And there is NOTHING wrong with that. But seriously people, QUIT using your kids to get the guys' attention! It really only makes you appear trashy when the guys' see your 10 year old daughter holding a sign that says "Donnie, watch me Dirty Dance!". Um...she's 10. Clearly not dating material for Edub.The guys are WELL AWARE of the fact that women have been using their children to get facetime, and they really aren't impressed. Bottom line, it probably won't get you that picture you've been craving since you were 9. So save your kid some stress, let them be a kid and not an attention striving whore! [Tip provided by @kyjoho HOLLA!]
I realize that you probably are thinking "How the hell do you know all this shit?". In all honesty, I have common sense. That's all it really takes to meet a New Kid. That and a little bit of luck.

The New K
ids aren't the first band I've met outside of concert venues either. Remember O-Town? They sang that super cheesy "Liquid Dreams" song. I learned all my techniques from being able to find them 8 years ago. Of course, they weren't as huge as New Kids, but you gotta start somewhere, right? Here are some classics of my O-Town adventures:


Go ahead, laugh all you want at my patriotic Superman t-shirt.

So there you have it, just a little bit of proof that I at least *kind of* know what I'm talking about when it comes to getting facetime.

But you say "That's O-Town, they were nothing compared to NKOTB". Well, I have proof in that department as well. However, posting all my pictures would likely be considered "bragging", so I'll only post TWO right now.

As you can see, I have broken FACETIME rule #4 with that second picture. Believe me, it will never happen again because my friends and I ALMOST got shot down. Rejection from a Knight brother? Not a fun feeling. This is part of the reason why I created Tip #4, that and a strange Jonathan encounter I had which we will not discuss now... you can see I'm not lying when I say if you FOLLOW THESE TIPS you will have much better luck at getting that facetime every fan deserves. I've been to 12 NK concerts in the past year and countless other events (including Mall of America, afterparties, etc.). By following these simple guidelines I've had tons of pictures and millions of memories. Don't be a NUTTER and you'll most likely succeed.

Tip #7

#7) DON'T BRING SIGNS! If you are going to do the whole "airport" thing, please remember to act like a NORMAL human being. If you don't know what that is, please at least pretend to act like you are at the airport to fly somewhere, not to stalk a NK. DO NOT, at any time, bring your concert signs to the airport. Do you really think Joe, his wife and child want to see "Joe, I want your BIG MAC" when they get off their plane? Probably not. If the guys see a mob of women waiting at the arrival gate with neon signs and permed hair, they will probably find another way out of the airport. If you don't want to ruin it for you or your friends, leave the signs in the car! This is an airport NOT a concert venue.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Tip #6

Already thought of another one only a few minutes after I posted the first 5.

If you happen to find out that Danny is at the Smoothie King down the street, don't leave the house wearing your Full Serivce concert t-shirt! This gives you away, basically screams "I'M A FAN!". Of course you want them to know you support their music, but you don't want them to run the other way before you have a chance to tell them that. If a NK sees that someone wearing a NK t-shirt they can only assume that more will be arriving shortly, and they make their visit quick! Want more time? Leave the NKOTB earrings at home.

Facetime 101: With Class!

Facetime 101: With Class!

For those of you who have not had the opportunity to meet the guys, or for those of you who have, yet continue to act like beligerant fools around them, this is for you! Following these guidelines will make the facetime opportunities you receive much more memorable for both you AND Donnie, Danny, Jordan, Jon, and Joe.

This may be the most important item on the list. If you scream, they will think twice about coming over to chat. Donnie may be the only exception to this rule. If he seems to be enjoying the Fan-girly antics, give him all you've got! The others? DON'T DO IT! Honestly, you look like an idiot and they will more than likely be deathly afraid of you. This goes for the venues too! If you are waiting outside the venue in hopes that one of the Fab 5 will come and say hello, a scream or "woooo" will definitely ruin it for you. I have witnessed this a few times myself. Jordan actually thought about coming over and saying "hi" and taking pictures, but when some looney got too excited and screamed he literally turned around and walked back into the venue. Be excited! You should! But DO NOT SCREAM at them, EVER!

If you happen to find out any information regarding where the guys are staying, where they are eating lunch, where they are shopping, etc BE CAREFUL WHO YOU SHARE THAT INFORMATION WITH! If you share with someone you don't know very well, chances are they will tell two people, and those two people will tell three other people, and you will end up with a mob scene! When any of the guys' see a mob scene, they hide! You will not get your facetime. I'm not saying don't ever share info, because that would just be downright mean, just be sure you know how many people will show up based on who you tell.

If you happen to spot a NK alone, do NOT tweet where he is! You may think no one is reading your tweets, but chances are more than one person is! And these people will relay that information to other people and pretty soon 40 women show up at Starbucks to see Jon! Jon will not appreciate this, and neither will you because you will no longer get your facetime opportunity!

Based on experience never, ever approach a Knight brother in public at a non-nk related event. These boys, especially Jon, do NOT appreciate the attention. Being on stage or at a Meet & Greet is a different scenario and is totally acceptable. Jordan will eat up your attention on stage, but in real life? Not so much. Just smile from a safe distance. Seriously, this comes from experience, if you do not want to be rejected by a New Kid DON'T approach these boys in public!

#5) BE COOL!
If you are lucky enough to be staying at the same hotel as the guys, do not freak out! Stay calm and collected. Do not camp out on the "suite" floor and do not hang outside the elevator. You will look dumb and the guys will eventually figure out another way to exit the hotel so they don't have to pass the fan paparazzi on the way out. Your best bet is to sit in the hotel bar, which usually provides you with a clear view of the lobby of the hotel. This way you can smile & wave at a New Kid if he decides to walk by. (again, no damn screaming!) If you are calm and collected, your chances of a New Kid coming to talk to you are MUCH higher.

This list is just a beginning point. There are so many other DOs and DO NOTs. Got any other suggestions? Let me know. My twitter name is @M_Vizzle .

P.S. This list is PURELY for fun. If you say any of these guidelines are bullshit, then you obviously have no idea how to act when it comes to facetime. Good luck, and don't be a facetime hog bitches! ;o)